


doing what im best at

by lcvelinnie



Series: — song fics. [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Sam Smith Song, Based on a song, Breakups, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Lyric story, M/M, Mentioned Abuse, Past Abuse, Sad, Unhealthy Relationships, and sadness, changlix, please read the notes, shits SAD, this gets depressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 05:25:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15879447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcvelinnie/pseuds/lcvelinnie
Summary: felix is only doing what he knows he's best at.changbin can't help if he regrets everything.





	doing what im best at

**Author's Note:**

> PHIUFH PLEASE READ THIS IS RLLY IMPORTANT!!!
> 
> Trigger warnings: this implies heavily of an abusive relationship including verbal and emotional abuse and very light physically abuse such as shoving and screaming. please be aware of this before reading if you're easily hurt by these things. please please please do not read this if you're not sure if it'll trigger you. thank you.

_you must think that im stupid_

 

Changbin groaned into his fist, other fist clenched and banging roughly against the wall he stood against, facing towards. "Goddammit!!" He shouted, echoing in the mostly empty living room.

 

_you must think that im a fool_

 

"For someone who's in the dance line, you'd think you can dance. It's one move, Felix. Get a grip. Chan, why aren't you saying anything?" The shorter boy yelled at the blonde boys in the middle of the floor. Chan rolled his eyes and gently pushed Felix in the direction of his position to restart the choreography practice.

 

_you must think that im new to this_

 

"You have to roughen your voice and project. Have you never done this before? Jesus, Felix... I thought when you're a trainee, they fucking train you. It must've chainged over the, what, seconds? minutes?, I was out. God..." Changbin furrowed his brow, fingers pressing into his forehead as his eyes were held tightly closed. He sighed. 

 

_but i have seen this all before_

 

Felix remembers his ex boyfriend. He was horrible, yelled at him constantly. He always said he loved him, and they had great moments together, full of happiness and innocence. But it changed, suddenly, and he got mean. Yelled, shouted, and occasionally shoved Felix onto the leather couch in their shared apartment until Felix was in tears and _He_ was standing over him, shouting until he'd stormed out of the apartment. A constant occurance that was, up until Felix left a note explaining where he was going and what he was doing and that he wanted to break up. He'd packed up, purchased a plane ticket, and met up with a friend. Chan, in South Korea. And that was the end of it.

 

_im never gonna let you get close to me_

 

Felix gently shoved Changbin away when he sat next to him, thighs barely touching as Changbin began speaking. He scooted away some. "I'm sorry about how I act around you. I'm sorry if I'm too harsh, it's just..." He sighed as he leaned against the couch, trying to find his words. "I'm not good at this. But I'm trying. I'd really like it if that was considered. I'm not new to this but I'm not as good as you. Or Jisung. Or Chan. Please just... Stop yelling at me all the time. I'm really trying my hardest." Felix explained with tears clouding his vision. Changbin sighed as he reached over, wrapping his arms gently around Felix. This caused panic in the blonde boy. He stood up abruptly, in sudden alarm. He bowed in apology before running down the hall and into the bedroom he shared with three other groupmates.

 

_even though you mean the most to me_

 

Changbin softly smiled at Felix across the stage as he'd just finished a verse. The smile stayed on his face throughout the rest of the performance. By the end, Changbin gently draped his arm across the taller boys shoulders, looking proud and happy. Felix smiled back at him as his blonde hair was ruffled by the older boy.

 

_'cause every time i open up, it hurts_

 

Felix felt the warm tears fall down his face as he faced Changbin on the bed. "He would always just... scream at me. Even when I didn't do anything, he would scream, and he would do it because I hadn't done anything. He was... the worst thing ever, I'm so glad I left but what am I supposed to do when I go back to visit my family? What if he finds me and he tries to start us again and he manages to convince me to come back and he ruins everything for me under me being, what, a dumb teenage boy who doesn't know how to avoid manipulation?" Felix rambled as the tears kept going, feeling Changbin's arm loosely sit on his waist. Felix realized what he said, reality crumpling into his mind as he sobbed, Changbin scooted closer. Felix sobbed into his chest, choking on air every one in a while until he fell asleep. He regretted every single second of the previous night when he woke up, warm and wrapped in Changbin's hold.

 

_so im never gonna get too close to you_

 

"Felix seems to be... distant recently. Especially to you. Did something happen?" Hyunjin asked as Felix listened to Jeongin rambling about, who knows what, seeming to be unisterested, looking away and giving short responses of nods and smiles and chuckles, occasionally saying a word here and there if it wasn't a yes or no question. "I... Don't know..." was all Changbin said before grabbing his things and leaving the practice room.

 

_even when i mean the most to you_

 

Changbin felt the tears streaming down his cheeks as he sat on his knees, both hands holding Felix's soft left one. "Please don't leave me, please stop pushing me away, please Felix I need you, I need you... please, just tell me what I did and how I can fix it, please." Changbin begged, choking on tears, sobs, oxygen and saliva all at the same time, it seems. Changbin felt as though his lungs had collapsed when Felix shook his hand out of his grip, walking away from him, down the street into darkness of the night.

 

_in case you go and leave me in the dirt_

 

Felix huffed in pain as he fell to the ground, concrete of the sidewalk biting harshly at his uncovered arms. He watched as Changbin and his friends shared high fives and snarky marks about himself. Changbin tossed the basketball over Felix's form, it hitting the sidewalk behind him, only a few inches away from his head as they walked in the opposite direction of the blonde boys already bruising body.

 

_but everytime you hurt me, the less i cry_

 

Felix watched as Changbin walked into the dorms with a girl. She had long brown hair with bangs. They were kissing. The dorm was left to Felix for the night, exception of Changbin if he came home. He did, and brought somebody. The two lovers stumbled down the hallway, laughing amidst the rough and intense making out, groping and biting. Felix felt the warm tear slip down his cheek but he simply wiped it away. No more fell. Only one tear drop hit the neck of his sweater.

 

_and everytime you leave me, the quicker these tears dry_

 

Felix sobbed into his pale hand as Changbin repeatedly punched the wall with the side of his clenched fist. "God, fuck you Felix! You were a mistake, meeting you was a mistake, joining this stupid fucking group was a mistake! Fuck you!" He shouted before slamming the front door, storming down the driveway as Felix, suddenly feeling emotionally drained, felt the tears drying on his cheeks, only to leave permant burns of tear stains that he would always remember.

 

_and everytime you walk away, the less i love you_

 

Changbin scoffed at Felix, not sharing the excitement of his new hair color, shoving him out of the way and walking down the hallway and into his own bedroom. Felix's smile dropped, he sighed realizing that maybe him dying his hair wasn't as cool and fun and great to others as it was to him. He sighed, slight distaste for the other boy growing in a small, black bubble in his big, loving heart.

 

_baby, we don't stand a chance; it's sad but it's true_

 

Felix rolled his eyes as Changbin tried to kiss his cheek. "Fuck off, will you?" Felix groaned as he pushed the shorter boy away from him before standing and walking into the kitchen. "I try to be an affectionate boyfriend and you get pissy. You're never fucking pleased are you?" He mumbled to himself as he walked into his bedroom, slamming the door. Felix rolled his eyes for a second time as he poured himself a glass of apple juice, chugging it before leaving the dorms.

 

_im way too good at goodbyes_

 

"I think we should breakup, Changbin.

I don't feel like I fit the group, or you.

I have no reason to stay in Korea.

I'm moving back to Australia.

It was nice knowing you.

Goodbye."

 

 

 

 

"I'm just protecting my innocence." Felix mumbled to himself as he boarded the plane, ending the call with his mom.

 

 

_im just protecting my soul._

 

 

_im way too good at goodbyes._


End file.
